If programming languages were bands

One of the reasons that i neglected my old blog was that i had the flu this winter twice. While i was sick, i typed this out on the laptop. I’m not too proud of it, but i think that it has some potential. If anyone can improve it, go on – improve and distribute, CC-BY-SA.

If programming languages were rock bands, which language would be which band?

• Visual Basic – Rolling Stones. Going strong after too many years.
• C – Beatles. You don’t have to like it, but you can’t deny its importance.
• C++ – Led Zeppelin. Mostly great, but sometimes over the top.
• Java – Queen. Not always great and often over the top – but fun.
• C# – The Darkness. It looks like Led Zeppelin and Queen, but it doesn’t get far without a marketing department.
• Ruby – Some J-Pop band. Quite a lot of people love it. Much more people don’t understand it, but admit that manga-lovers will probably rule the world soon – for better or for worse.
• or: Ruby – Coldplay. The principle of least surprise.
• Perl – Radiohead. Everyone loved it in the 90’s, but few people understand what’s going on with it since about year 2000.
• or: Perl – Velvet Underground. Not everyone learned it, but those who did, invented their own language.
• or: Perl – Sonic Youth. Either you think that it’s just noise, or that nothing can be better than it is.
• or: Perl – Pixies. You can do a lot in two minutes. Or two lines.
• or: Perl – David Bowie. There’s more than one way to do … it.
• Perl 6 – David Bowie. Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.
• Python – Kenny G. ‘Nuff said.
• or: Python – Sigur Rós. Beautiful, but puts you to sleep.
• or: Python – Def Leppard. Just joking. (This joke had a point, but i forgot what it was.)
• Pascal – Pink Floyd. Groundbreaking in the 70’s; dismembered; agonizing for too long.
• Assembly – Obviously, Kraftwerk.
• PHP – Michael Jackson. Dangerous.
• or: PHP – Any band at all. You can google for the lyrics of any song. Later, when you’ll sing it to your friends, few of them will notice that they are wrong. Probably not even yourself.
• or: PHP – Gong. Pot head pixies.
• COBOL – I considered writing Chuck Berry (for the age) or Nick Cave (for the wordiness), but decided not to insult them.
• Eiffel – Sorry, I don’t know a lot of French music and I don’t really want to.