Posts Tagged 'customer service'

Referent, part 2

— “Shalom and welcome to Bank Mizrahi Main Tel Aviv Business Center. If you know the extension number, please press it now. For Business Banking press 1. For Foreign Trade press 2. For Financial Services press 3. For Private Banking press 4. For General Services press 5.”

Let’s try Financial Services. 3.

— “For Fleta press 6. For Rita press 7. For Moshe press 8.”

According to Google, Fleta is a brand of classical guitars; It is also the Federal Law Enforcement Training Accreditation, a US government agency whose website looks just like FSF‘s, because both are built using Plone, but FLETA don’t give Plone any credit. You bastards! According to Wikipedia, Fleta is also a treatise on English common law written in 1290. But that could be a lie. Anyway, i’ve never heard of anyone Israeli whose name is Fleta. There is Mufleta, which is a traditional pastry served after Passover when Chametz is allowed to be eaten, but i don’t think that it’s related. So i decided to keep out of Fleta. Between Rita and Moshe i went all sexist and chose Moshe. 8.

— “Hello.”

— “Hello … I’m not sure that i got to the correct place, but i have a savings account at Analyst and i need to check the balance through Mizrahi …”

— “Wait.”

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Moshe was obviously a bad choice, and not so much my bad choice, as Bank Mizrahi’s, because it really made me feel like moving that savings account to a different service. Finally, a women answered:

— “Hello.”

— “Hello, i have a savings account at Analyst and i need to check the balance through Mizrahi …”

— “A second!”

— “Hello?..”

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Then she came on again:

— “A moment!”

— “Hello?..”

After a couple of minutes more another woman answered and served me very well. But it took me a few good minutes to reach her, during which i decided to switch to a different bank. I feel a bit like Maddox now.

Maybe i shall be more effective if i write this in Hebrew …

P. S. I’m rich.



I have a savings account in a company called Analyst (nonstandard). They were supposed to send me the annual report in March, but they didn’t. Someone told me that it’s illegal, but nevermind.

I tried to check my account through the web. Their website is not only nonstandard; It’s ugly, too. In Firefox clicking “customer service” does nothing; In IE it hardly does anything either. When i finally found the FAQ, it said that checking the balance is done through Bank Mizrahi (nonstandard). I recalled that i received a password from them long time ago. I found it and tried it; obviously it didn’t work, so i tried calling them – *5080. The computer asked me to key in my ID number, which i did. Then muzak started. After five minutes (i checked it) of muzak and advertisements of loans to cover debt from other loans (stinking capitalists) the computer said: “Your position in the queue: nine”. After another four minutes a human being said:

— “Hello, Amir.”

The ID thing worked! Neat. But i heard something in his voice … reproach? But why?

— “Hello, how are you?”

— “Good, thank God. How can i help you?”

— “I have a savings account in Analyst, i need to check the balance through Mizrahi and my password doesn’t work.”

— “OK, I can help you. But you didn’t give us permission to give you telephone service, so I can’t help you.”

— “Oh. So what can i do?”

— “You can call the branch that manages Analyst accounts and they will help you. But they are closed, so it’s no use now.” Great! The guy excels at disappointing self-contradictions! I just finished “Through the Looking Glass” and it sounded very similar (except the chess part, which is probably good, ‘cuz i suck at chess).

— “Oh. So what can i do?”

— “Call them tomorrow and ask for the referent that handles Analyst accounts…” That’s how he said it – “referent”. I’m in a frenzy of Hebrew purism lately, so i just had to ask:

— “The who?”

— “The clerk.”

— “Eh… That’s not what you said earlier. What did you say?”

— “Referent”.


I waited for ten minutes for NOTHING. Ten minutes. Ten minutes!