I have a savings account in a company called Analyst (nonstandard). They were supposed to send me the annual report in March, but they didn’t. Someone told me that it’s illegal, but nevermind.

I tried to check my account through the web. Their website is not only nonstandard; It’s ugly, too. In Firefox clicking “customer service” does nothing; In IE it hardly does anything either. When i finally found the FAQ, it said that checking the balance is done through Bank Mizrahi (nonstandard). I recalled that i received a password from them long time ago. I found it and tried it; obviously it didn’t work, so i tried calling them – *5080. The computer asked me to key in my ID number, which i did. Then muzak started. After five minutes (i checked it) of muzak and advertisements of loans to cover debt from other loans (stinking capitalists) the computer said: “Your position in the queue: nine”. After another four minutes a human being said:

— “Hello, Amir.”

The ID thing worked! Neat. But i heard something in his voice … reproach? But why?

— “Hello, how are you?”

— “Good, thank God. How can i help you?”

— “I have a savings account in Analyst, i need to check the balance through Mizrahi and my password doesn’t work.”

— “OK, I can help you. But you didn’t give us permission to give you telephone service, so I can’t help you.”

— “Oh. So what can i do?”

— “You can call the branch that manages Analyst accounts and they will help you. But they are closed, so it’s no use now.” Great! The guy excels at disappointing self-contradictions! I just finished “Through the Looking Glass” and it sounded very similar (except the chess part, which is probably good, ‘cuz i suck at chess).

— “Oh. So what can i do?”

— “Call them tomorrow and ask for the referent that handles Analyst accounts…” That’s how he said it – “referent”. I’m in a frenzy of Hebrew purism lately, so i just had to ask:

— “The who?”

— “The clerk.”

— “Eh… That’s not what you said earlier. What did you say?”

— “Referent”.


I waited for ten minutes for NOTHING. Ten minutes. Ten minutes!


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